Pre-Pregnancy weight: 195 lbs.
Current Weight at end of pregnancy: 202 lbs.
August 19, 2002 - 10:46 a.m.
Husband and I had a really long discussion the other night. Emotions were high, tension could have been sliced with a butter knife.
He and I finally got to a middle ground around 3 AM that night. I agreed to keep the house/apartment mostly clutter free and clean while he agreed to not expect the home to look like his workspace on the ship that is practically germ free and allow some clutter.
We also talked about being affectionate and loving. I am a touch me, hug me, kiss me and tell me you love me all the time type of person. Where S on the other hand is . .. . NOT. He could probably go through the whole day and not give me one single touch, hug, or kiss. Unless he is horny. I told him that night that I need at least a little affection everyday. He told me that I should KNOW that he loves me and not need it to reassure myself that he does. Well, I KNOW he loves me, but I would like it if he SHOWED me every once in a while.
It would be nice if he said "I love you" first instead of me. It would be nice if he just gave me a loving squeeze on my shoulder on his way to the porch. SOMETHING. ANYTHING. We've been apart for almost a year and it'd be nice to just hold hands while watching tv. Yet he tells me that even just holding hands is too much. So, what am I supposed to do. I'll just wait it out and see how things are in a few months.
We also talked briefly about divorce because I made a comment in the heat of the moment while I was crying. What I said was "So it's all MY fault our marriage is going to shits?" And at the moment, he made it seem as though it WAS my fault. Anyhow. He said at the end of this discussion, that he would go kicking and screaming to a divorce. SO that gave a little bit of comfort but I was still upset.
On a lighter note, I talked to my mom last night. She's in Korea, so I called her last night because it was the next morning over there and wanted to wish her a happy birthday before she headed off for the day. She is so cool. A little psycho sometimes but whose mom isn't, right? I miss being over there. I hope that S will someday get stationed over there. Or maybe I'll fly over there and never come back. I'll just stay there.
I should go though. I've got to call a credit card company and close my account there. I've been meaning to do it since Thursday and hubby's getting miffed. So, I'll talk to you when I get another chance alone!
Love you miss you D-Land!
