Pre-Pregnancy weight: 195 lbs.
Current Weight at end of pregnancy: 202 lbs.
September 27, 2002 - 10:21 p.m.
I had to damper the whole day by bringing up her name. And thus starting a 20 min conversation 2 hours later on the way home, from which, I still feel no better then when we started it.
He says he started emailing/writing her a year ago, 5+ years AFTER she moved away. He says he felt sorry for the way things ended between them and wanted to apologize. Fine. I'm okay with that. (and why is there a cop at my neighbors house?)
But then he says that if it wasn't for her that he'd probably wouldn't be with me. Great. So, now I'm indebted to a girl I wouldn't trust to watch my cat. She's nice and friendly, but she was never a friend to S till a year ago, when he started writing her.
One good thing though, according to S, was that when he first wrote her, H (that's what I'll call her) told him "don't write me, you're a married man, stay away"
But what made him go to HER in the first place? Any number of friends from high school would have been fine with me. His best friend in high school was a girl, E, and I liked her. She would have been a much better person then H.
I don't know why I'm feeling like this. He keeps telling me that I owe H so much because she helped him to not leave me. Okay, I'll thank her when I see her, but that doesn't answer my question of why he went to her in the first place. And this feeling in my gut that when he started feeling unhappy LAST YEAR that he was writing to her because he was lonely and was possibly thinking of starting things with her. (it's reassuring though that H told him to stay away)
And today is our 5th anniversary. How's that. We didn't do anything special. First time he was home for our anniversary and we didn't even go for a walk. He didn't even get me a 50 cent card from the dollar tree to commemorate. I really do love him dearly with all my heart but right now all I can think is how much I want him to stop communicating with this other girl. Is this so wrong of me?
If I looked at this situation in reverse. And it was me instead of him, I don't know. I would never get in contact with an ex simply because I felt bad about how we ended things. And I surely wouldn't contact him after years of no email, phone, or letter. I would just let it go.
I'm going to go. I'm really emotional right now and I wish that I wasn't so insecure.
