Pre-Pregnancy weight: 195 lbs.
Current Weight at end of pregnancy: 202 lbs.
October 16, 2002 - 9:08 a.m.
I'm at school right now, my next class doesn't start until 11 and I thought I might jot a little down. (I really SHOULD be studying for the quiz that we're going to have today, but I don't feel like it, and besides, we're allowed to use our notes)
Anyhow.
I think I'm going to get off the birth control pill. It's totally getting me all moody and crying all the time. And it isn't like I'm just crying at the end of sad movies, I'm crying over silly stuff. I cried over a dream I had a week ago. I cried because S said something in passing. Anything seems to set me off.
Last night, we were up to 12:45. (there are bags under my eyes, YAWN) We were talking and talking. We had sex last night and that's what started it off. We just did it. No emotions, no nothing, just mechanical. And that set me off in a crying frenzy.
I am asking too much of S I geuss. Or I'm just expecting too much too soon. I don't know. I suggested going to a marriage counselor but was shot down because "he's going to tell us the same thing we're doing right now." Yup. Anyhow.
It was a fruitless conversation. Me telling him to let down his guard and him telling me I rely too much on emotions. And he's probably right. But I'm so tired of guarding myself. I have just let it all out, have it open for everyone to see and not caring what anyone thinks. I've become one of those emotional people that I disliked in the past.
Okay. So, it was a fruitless conversation, but it let me blow off some steam that I had building up.
I really need to get a network of friends going here so I can get some of the emotional support I dearly miss and need.
On a lighter note, I took S's cell phone today. Actually, he left it in my purse this morning and I shoved it in my bookbag on the way out the door. HEE HEE HEE.
I may go and grab a pregnancy test today when I go run my errands. :0 My monthly friend is supposed to show up today or tommorrow, but I've been having some pg symptoms for the past two weeks. I don't know though. I may just wait till the end of the week just in case.
