June 25, 2003 - 7:17 p.m.

Do you ever feel left out? Probably, eh? Well, that's about what I'm feeling right now. All left out and nothing to do about it. I know it isn't my husband's fault his brother couldn't reschedule his wedding. And I know it isn't my fault that I can't go because I'm 9 months preggo. And I know that it isn't anyone's fault. S, his parents and his little brother left last night to drive to VA for his older brother's wedding. They made it there about an hour ago. And pretty much everyone else is there too. Except for me. I'm stuck here in TX by myself. I know I know. I'm being selfish and I should be happy for my brother in law getting married. But I am here feeling left out because I'm so far along in my pregnancy that I can't go. Even my husband left me here to participate in the festivities. They are all there doing wedding things while I get to sit around and do nothing. Literally. While American Juniors is on the telivision, I sit here on the computer deciding what I want to make for myself for dinner. I even get to go to my doctors appt by myself tommorrow and hope that my OB doesn't decide to take my stitch out at the last minute.

And truth to tell, I haven't made that many friends here in TX. I've got about 2 friends. And they both work, go to school, and have families to worry about. And one of them is out of town this week too. So there you have it. I could clean the clutter in my living room. I should do that. Tommorrow. I could have gone to church tonight. That would have been something to do but I don't even know which church to go to because I haven't found one I like. And my mom keeps calling me out of the blue and every other day to see how I'm doing. Not that I mind talking to my mother but she lives in Korea and it's really expensive.

My mom and I think I'll be having this baby early. I'm hoping for next weekend at the earliest. That would make it July 4 weekend and the baby would be 3 weeks early. Next week I'll be considered full term I geuss. The doc says anytime between 37 and 40 weeks of pregnancy is full term. So, next weekend would be great. And if the baby is born on July 4, that would be even cooler. Maybe I'll talk my doc into inducing me. . Just kidding. I don't really want to be induced. I want the baby to stay in as long as she needs to. I'm just tired of not being able to sleep in a comfortable postion. I know I am going to be sleepless for a little bit when the baby arrives but at least when I can sleep, I'll be comfortable.

One more thing. I wish pay day was here already. My goodness. We're running on about $100 between now and next Teusday. If S didn't insist on going to VA for his brother's wedding we'd be fine. But this wedding has got us all in a bunch. And me feeling left out like an outcast.

I'm also tired of being so hormonal. Right now, I'm crying at every thing. My living room is a wreck with piles of stuff everywhere. My kitchen floor hasn't been swept in days and the mop I bought at Food Town is a super cheapy sucky mop that doesn't work at all so I'm now ending up having to get on my knees to scrub it with a wet towel. Eww.

I think I'm going to go eat a piece of chocolate cake now. And you can't have any. You know why? Because you are not here to enjoy it with me. Not by any fault of your own, but simply because I'm pregnant and these stupid contractions have not left me alone for the past 20 min and I really need that damn piece of chocolate cake.

previous - next