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Pre-Pregnancy weight: 195 lbs.

Current Weight at end of pregnancy: 202 lbs.

June 15, 2005 - 10:45 p.m.

So we're in Nebraska finally. We've been here for a little over a week now. Yippee. Only problem is Schuyler. He's just being a bo bo head. Really and truly.
He told me he was not happy and wanted out of the marriage. No this is not the first time he brought it up but we did NOT have two small children when he did. He is going through some mini mid-life crisis of sorts and really just needs a swift kick in the a** and grow up. Of course, I can't say that or the marriage will really be over.
And every time we talk he gets mad at me for no reason at all, the conversation ends up being an arguement with one or the other person hanging up thus ending the conversation abruptly.
Right now, I'm at his beck and call. Kind of like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman but that is neither here or there. He calls to tell me he's somewhere, could I bring the kids so he can see them. (No we are not staying together right now and no he will not come over to my dad's house because he's afraid my dad will yell at him.)
UGH. Truly, I'm so tired of crying. I'm so wounded right now all I can think of is how I'm going to make life better for my children and how I'm going to crawl myself out of this 8 ft hole that my husband so nicely put me and the kids in. I'm grateful my dad has let my children and I stay at his house while I finish college. I'm grateful too that Schuyler came to his senses and decided to not go ahead with a divorce. Although he doesn't really know what legal seperation really is about in NE, he'll so find out. He'll get the wake up call he needs and find that life and divorce isn't all that easy. It's too bad he's got to drag his whole family along through the mud to figure out that I'm the only one besides family that'll put up with his sh** and still love him for who he is.
Yea, readers, I love him. For all his faults, I love him. Yes, some of our problems are my fault but not all. I've known that marriage is a two way street and both of us have gone one way in opposite directions for a while.
This has been a real learning experience too. I've learned that I need to really pay attention to what God wants me to be as woman and a wife. Not a doormat but a woman. And I've had good friends tell me some great advice and all are good.
Right now though, I'm tired and I still need to read a bit before going to bed. Good night!!

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