June 27, 2005 - 9:13 p.m.

My sister and I went to Wichita, KS over the weekend. It was one crazy trip too. On the way down there, a deer decided to run right into my van while we were driving on the highway. Yes, my new, 4 month old, 2005 Kia Sedona is now in bad need of a car doctor. The whole driver side is mashed, the driver door won't shut all the way and the mirror on that side had to be pulled off because it was just hanging by glue. (And it had blood on it, eeeewww) So, I'm taking it in this week to have it estimated and to be fixed. Good thing for insurance, too bad we have a $500 deductable. (did I spell that right?) Schuyler about had a cow but there really isn't anything you can do about deer running into your car! My sister did say she'd pay half my deductible since we were driving to see her friends. Which makes me feel bad because it's my car but then I feel kind of glad because I only get $500 on the first so that would mean I'd be out of money till the 15th and then Moira wouldn't get anything special for her birthday.
And yes, Moira turns 2 on July 9. How exciting. I can't believe she's 2 already, my little baby. Well, she's not so little anymore I suppose but she's still my little baby girl no matter how old she gets!! I wonder how time flies and gets away from us. It was just yesterday it seems I was at the hospital having her and nursing her. Have I told you she has weaned herself about 2 weeks ago? I keep asking her if she wants to nurse every once in a while and she has been saying no everytime. That's really unusual for her since she would always say yes. And I'm not sad about it either. I really didn't want to force it on her, I wanted HER to decide when to stop. With the move and all, I just didnt't see the need to push the nursing issue. So, I suppose the self-weaning thing with a little encouragement does work!! I'm a little sad that part of our relationship is over but I gained an independent toddler for it instead. She is so sure of herself and she knows she can come to me (and she does) with everything. I'm so glad she is not clingy and has never been one to comfort nurse. I think I would have gone nuts! LOL. She's so wonderful. I love her so much!
Of course, I love Eliza also. :) She is 5 months old now and loves to flip. I set her on the floor and she immediatlely flips to her belly. Of course, she has forgotten how to flip back to her back and in turn gets angry. She did learn to spin on her belly, which is quite funny to watch. Oh, she did get a tooth last week, a bottom front one and the one next to it is about to make its debut soon.
Schuyler is still liking the single life. He did say he is doing a lot of thinking. Of course, I've got the kids so he's got a lot of time to think. After talking with him today, I'm not quite sure where he stands. My dad seems to think he's going to file for divorce anytime soon. But I think maybe he won't file and may actually want to work on the marriage.
Being home is crazy. In a sense I like it but then it's irritating. I wish I was just visiting because then I'd actually have time away in my own home. And away from unsolicited advice. I tell my dad some things about Schuyler and I and all he can say is "Give him a break, Caroline, give him some space, stop being so bitter and angry" UGH. Doesn't he know I AM giving him his space? Hell, he's in VA and left the kids and I here in NE!!! And am I not allowed to vent about how my marriage is falling to bits? And even though Schuyler said he forgave me for MY part in the marriage, he still brings up my mistakes. Still throwing it in my face like a child who can't seem to forget his brother took his ball.
At this point, I wish I could just divorce him myself. But I know that's not the way out. Marriage is something to work at and to fight for, not something to just throw away. Right? Please, someone tell me I'm right. Because right now, all I want to do is throw in the towel.

previous - next