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Pre-Pregnancy weight: 195 lbs.

Current Weight at end of pregnancy: 202 lbs.

February 28, 2007 - 9:05 p.m.

I had my work up appt today. And I had an internal ultrasound, it's offical. I am due Oct. 3. I had a nurse practitioner today doing my appt and she was very nice. She too is pregnant (with her first) and delivering where I'll be delivering.
She was so nice and made the visit very pleasant even though all the business was down under. Makes me want to just see her but alas, I am high risk and will probably not see her again. :( She did tell me that I am not a canidate for a vba2c. Which kind of makes me sad in a way mainly because now I KNOW I will never actually deliver my own child. Someone else has to. And surgically. My children will never have the benefits of having the juices squished out of them and I will not have the benefits of just going home in 24 hours and NOT recover from major abdominal surgery while taking care of a newborn and myself. I suppose technically I could switch doctors or even go to a midwife but I really don't want to go on the hunt for someone who would see me to do a VBA2C. I don't want to fight it anymore. I did with Eliza and gosh, I ended up with a section anyhow. And really, my last OB probably had it right when she told me that my hips just never spread enough in pregnancy that my kids just never want to come down. It just makes me sad. Real sad. I don't think anyone really knows. And seriously, nothing really will make it go away or make me feel better about it. It doesn't make me feel better that I can actually get pregnant, that I can breastfeed, or that with today's medical technology I can sustain a pregnancy or have multiple pregnancies. I know all that but that doesn't make it better, it just makes it easier. My c-sections make me want to nurse more and longer and parent the way I parent because I think I lose something having surgery to have my children and somehow that makes me feel better. But I'm going to stay where I'm at because even though I will never have the birth I desire, I want to enjoy my pregnancy, enjoy the changes in my body, enjoy my children as they are and not worry about how they will/have come into this world. I don't want the pressure/stress of family, friends or doctors telling me how dangerous it is when all the facts still point out that it's safe. I don't want to fight. I just want to enjoy.
On the same note though, the nurse practitioner did tell me that they schedule sections at 39 wks. I go into labor around 38 wks so I'm hoping to go into labor and walk in knowing that the baby is ready to come and have the section w/o having to go through 20+ hours of labor and pushing before a section! That's what I really want. And I'm not talking wait till full on labor like I did with my girls but when contractions get to 5 min apart for an hour (I waited till they were 2 min apart for several hours both times!) and then go in. I definitly don't want the baby to get stuck but I seriously doubt that the baby will even get close!
Anyhow. .. . . There you have it. Oh and yes I plan on breastfeeding. . . . As if you all didn't know that already. LOL. Update: This is just what I am FEELING. I have no intention of pushing for another vba2c. I have accepted the fact that in order to have happy healthy children (and be ALIVE to care for them) that some sacrifices need to be made and if that means having major surgery to give birth, I'm okay with that because there are so many other things to worry about. But I am still entitled to "mourn" as some would say. And really, I'm not all that excited to go through 15+ hours of greuling labor only to end up in a section, seriously, I'd rather just get it done and get the heck home.

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