May 07, 2005 - 10:28 p.m.

Now that Eliza is practically 4 months old, I can start trying to lose weight. Although I plan on waiting till after we move to Virginia to start seriously losing any sort of weight. I figure I can start a little by watching what I eat and all. My sister, Deb, and I are going to be doing Weight Watchers together this fall. So hopefully by next May I'll be down to 135. Sounds fun, no? I'm about 180 right now so that's a weight loss goal of 45 lbs in a year. I think that is a good attainable goal.
And why do I want to lose weight? Because I want to feel good. I want to be healthier. I want to be a good example to my children. I want to be at a healthier weight when and if Schuyler and I decide to become pregnant again so that I can thouroughly (I totally butchured that word but you know what I mean) enjoy the pregnancy and I'll have a better chance of a vaginal birth. Actually, that's my main reason and right now, probably the only one that's pressuring me.
I don't know what it is but I just have this overwhelming desire to have more children. And to have at least 2 more before I'm 35. It's like I've got this stop watch and my biological clock is ticking. Somewhere in my brain I've got it set that I need/want to have as many children as I can. Maybe it's because I want to have them and my many future grandchildren all around me when I get old and gray. Somehow I got this vision of Schuyler and I growing old together with all our kids and grandkids just running around.
But I digress. I need to do one thing at a time. And right now, I need to concentrate on my kids, the move, weight loss, and school. (And I just killed a moth on my computer screen, eeewww. And I digress again. .. .)
My mind is wondering tonight but alas, I need to go to bed. :) Good night dear readers and have a Happy Mother's Day.
:)

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