December 23, 2002 - 9:21 p.m.

H left a message S's cell phone. Not that it's a bad thing or anything. But H is this girl I was having issues with back in September. Okay Okay, I'm still having issues, but not as much as three months ago. It's still a little doubt in my little heart that this girl is out to get my husband or that S could easily leave me for her. I don't think that there is anything S could say that's going to make his friendship with her any easier to accept. Granted, I've made great strides in being nice to her and being her friend, but in reality, she is his friend and not mine. And that, is what really bugs me.

Why is it that S can have other female friends and I don't care but when it comes to H, I get this insane jealousy going through me? It's as though I want to rip her hands off so she can't write or dial a telephone.

How horrible is that? Maybe this feeling is steming from an uncertainity of him staying with me. Even though I know he's not leaving me. That is my one biggest fear, that he'll leave me for her. And no matter how many times he told me he won't, there's still that underlying thought simply because he still talks to her like she is his best buddy.

Anyhow, I suppose I'm still going on this nervous energy from picking up my friend at the airport. And yes, I'm still keeping to my resolve of ending my friendship with him. My friendship with him has got me all out of wack. I can't handle being close friends with a guy other then my husband. It just freaks me out and it's got to go.

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